Those Male Types…

Have all of the males gone completely bonkers, or is it just me?! I swear I only mean the filth of hell in my life. Geez. I must seriously be cursed. I was talking to two separate men last week; both in different stages of their lives, and both utter douchbags; this Ethiopian guy, whom we’ll call EG, and this Rodeo star, whom we’ll call piss ant. Both piss ant and EG tried to do some strange things to my life and tried, unsuccessfully, to play some sort of game. Piss ant was in his 40s for sure and EG was about 27. Now, I’ll skip the dry bits and jump straight to the juicy parts.

EG
I was invited to EGs’ apt because, in his words, “I want you to meet my friends.” His buds were just..okay. I was unimpressed by any of them and the Ethiopian girl there was dry as hell. But, they were irrelevant to me because I was there for EG, whom had invited me. He however, seems to have lost his manners and left shortly after my arrival to “study.” We all thought this was weird, but didn’t press him as we’re all students. He assured me that it was fine if I stayed and encouraged me to chat more with them. So I did. We chatted, had some hookah, and wine; it was cordial. However, there was a Kenyan guy there who I felt started getting the hots for me as well as EGs other Ethiopian friend. After an hour or so I decided to leave, but not before having EG speak with his Kenyan friend about his relentless attempts to acquire his keys to drive his vehicle back home. He said a few words to the guy and escorted me to his porch, where he encouraged me to talk that guy out of driving home…then swiftly turned round to continue his studies. I tried in vain to convince this mush mouth that he should just let me take him home and save himself the trouble, blah blah blah. He wasn’t having it and was arguing with me. I saw no reason to waste the breath I needed to live on this vacuous lump and turned and walked away.   When I got home, I let EG know that I had arrived and to my surprise, he inquired if I’d gotten that Kenyan mans number…. Come again?  He explained to me that “no, I just mean that you guys seemed to really hit it off is all.” I was stunned. Who the hell says that!? I quickly ended our call as I was too pissed to converse further and called someone with some sense. After speaking with her I texted him and told him to basically fuck off to the wind because I couldn’t believe the utter disrespectful way he just tried to pass me off to his friend. His rebuttal was that “that isn’t what I meant. I just meant I know how much you like talking to foreign people, and like languages, and are trying to start a language company and that I wouldn’t have been mad if you gave him your number.” I knew he was bullshitting me because this Kenyan man spoke perfect English; in fact, he spoke it so damn well that he had a slight British accent! There would be no reason for me to give him my number as I know well how the overwhelming majority of African men think in regards to women and that is IF SHE GIVES ME HER NUMBER, SHE WANTS ME! And, to be quite honest, that’s probably any man on the face of this earth. Pff. EG couldn’t get out of my life fast enough. Straight after him, though, came piss ant..

Rodeo Piss Ant
This dude, I knew, was a tool when I first laid eyes on him. He was overly buff, shorter than me ( I mean, I’m just shy of 5’8!), and had some cockiness that’s an instant turnoff. Vomit. Plus, he had this weird pipsqueak voice that was just too peculiar..but I somehow overlooked this and gave him my number. He honestly didn’t look as old as he was and I was kind of surprised whenever he told me he was 40, although I think he lied about that. He basically gave me a whole run down of his stardom which was met with my unimpressment and rolled eyes. We went out on a few dates, but one a few weeks ago is of particular interest. He’d picked me up and we’d gone out to Louie’s. We ordered some drinks and sent mine back because “it was weak.” He then commented how he wanted something stronger so he could take advantage of me. Er? Red flag. We kept on with the date. Piss ant later comments to me that he’s not taking me back to my house that night. WTF!? I didn’t even know how to react to that! Was he trying to harm me? Kidnap me? Shit I’m out with a lunatic, what DO I do!? So I did nothing. Foolish me. Why do I always get myself into these predicaments.

I felt awful afterwards because I knew he was using me, but yet I still had an urge because EG was a pitiful excuse for a lover. Piss ant and I continued on for a few weeks afterwards until just yesterday when I met up with my brothers old roommate who kept insisting to me that piss ant was not a good cop and was in the streets. He also whole-heartedly believed this piss ant wasn’t intending to marry me (not that I’m seeking marriage…ever) and that I’m just a tenderoni for this man. Neither he nor my brother would tell me specifically what it is that they knew about this man and his bad deeds, but he implored me to stop talking to him and stated that “if I had told him not to talk to some female because she isn’t good, he’d listen to me.” I didn’t quite believe him until he stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly towards me and told me with a deadpan face that he would indeed stop talking to her. Well, alright then… Piss ant and I were supposed to go out later that night but the operative word here is supposed to. I didn’t hear from him until 2.5 hours after I texted him about our evening plans, and by then it was already too late,  I was too pissed, and I had checkout of the situation. He messaged about 8:30 inquiring  as to “WYD.” Ugh, yawn. I replied ” It’s 8:30.” He called me. He gave me some cock-and-bull story about how he “had to go to Arcadia (where the fuck is that place at!?) because his cows had gotten out and we had to go wrangle them up.” That’s nice. But why he couldn’t alert me so as not to have me waiting is still a mystery to me. Or was he just giving me some bull? I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. I was so uninterested in him talking and we shortly ended the call. He called back a bit later and still didn’t answer my question about why he didn’t let me know he had to do something and honestly seemed to catch and attitude that I asked him. Red flag. We ended the call and he messaged me at a quarter after 11 asking if I was still up. I was because I was procrastinating to the max on my final paper and studying for my finals that I was baking a lemon cake; but that’s a story for a different time. He called me and gave some more meaningless information about how he had to give a C-card to…you know, I don’t even know what he said because I was disinterested and baking. I remember commenting that it was weird that he had to take in some copy of this card to his supervisor at nearly midnight and he seemed to dislike that greatly by saying how he really wasn’t that weird. I ended the convo. and he said bye to me, which he’s never actually said like that to me before. As of today, he hasn’t initiated any contact. Praise god! I tell you what, though, I sure know how to pick ’em.

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