Mr. TAP

I’m pining for this older man. Like, hella older. He’s so much older that he has nearly 10 years on my parents…I know. I’m bad. BUT…this man is awesome. Tall, athletic, knows what he wants out of life (I mean damn, he had better), and is a bit of an inspiration to me in some ways. I like that he has an eye for pretty things; it is his part of his job after all. Alright, enough of my salivating let’s talk about us at his sons’ new bar round the block from my apt. His son is cool, but not as cool as his dad…and plus he’s married which is an automatic turn-off for me!

Say and I went round the corner for a quick pub crawl Friday evening since it’s her last weekend off for several weeks. We’d been sitting there for several hours when who walks? Mr. TAP of course! However, he was not unaccompanied; he had a brunette medium build chickadee on his arm. “Well, fuck.” I thought. “Who the hell’s this bitch.” I lamented. Here I am looking like a frizzy haired ballet banned up muppet and in walks him with his tall, black and red pinstriped ass lookin’ all classy and shit. I couldn’t have said enough cuss words in my irritated little mind. I guess his side piece noticed my face (yeah, I’m no good at hiding my feelings) because she gave me the most peculiar look. I ignored her though and him for that matter. I didn’t want to cock block him with his PYT. I mean, she is half his age (or so she looked to be so). After maybe, oh, I don’t know 30 minutes, I decided to freeze my nips off and run ’round the corner to grab a charger fro Say and I’s phones. As I slid back in and commenced my teenage ignoring of boys (fuck y’all! I’m no good with feelings and flirting and all of that jazz!), here he comes gliding up to disrupt my ignoring vibes. I acted surprised. It was fake. I know. But he chatted with me about the bar, and how he had suspicions that Krenshaw and Lou Lou had “something” going on. Pff. “Never would that happen,” I told him. But get this, his opening about why he came over was “how he wanted to compliment me on my beer selection.” Such a British thing to say. Pfuah. He talked a bit more and went back to his side piece as she tried to blink away her curiosity as to who I was. But, get this, that wasn’t all! Not only did she not get introduced when they entered the establishment, but she also didn’t get introduced when he came and spoke to me or when they were leaving! I was slightly shocked and a little bemused at her circumstances. Hey, I know I’m being a bitch but I’m cuter than her, dammit! My favorite part is how his body blocked her as she was saying something to the effect of “I love a woman that drinks that beer!” Now, I didn’t hear him say that, Say’sha did because he leaned in closest to her as I was all tangled up in the corner chatting with his son. His son, however, didn’t love that statement and squinched his face up and said “well I wouldn’t go that far. I’m a married man.” I didn’t catch why he said that as I also hadn’t heard what Mr. TAP had said to me. His son, however, also complemented me on my Young’s Chocolate Stout. Who knew it was so popular.
Say doesn’t think Mr. TAP can be “cuffed” as she put it. I kind of agree. I’m not trying to put in any work with a much older man if I won’t get something out of it. I mean…well..that is what I mean. I told Crenshaw about all of this and she wasn’t impressed since she for some reason wants us to get together. I think it all stems back to when he was still married about four years ago now. He was cleaning his building and he chatted with me a bit as I was taking his trash out. I wasn’t so into him then and his wife at the time wasn’t into the fact that he was chatting with me because she gruffly stated who she “was ready to go.” Oops. Guess I was threatening. That wasn’t it though, apparently he was watching ass too. Such a big flirt. No wonder she was jealous.

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