It’s the little things…

Last weekend I went to Ankara to get some of my stuff from Enes’ place and to see him. He’d been in Adana all week surveying and I was in Zonguldak and Istanbul. We had a normal evening since he had to finish up his masters project while I sat and watched him. On Sunday, I wanted to give him some money since I owe him some so while he was at work working on his project, I set out to find an atm nearby. I never found one, but I did find a bazaar-which he didn’t know was there. Ha! 15 mins into my search he calls me asking where I was because he was back. I told him I was searching for an ATM and he said he’d we could find one later on but to just come back for now (and good riddance because it was doing that misting dreary shit only Ankara is efficient at). When I returned, he was cooking. Yes. Making some egg noodles and friend veggies with egg. I swear there was some meat in there but he swore there wasn’t. After a cute lunch and a Family Guy break, he returned to his studies and I returned to doing God knows what on my computer. After a few hours I suddenly realized that I really wanted some chocolate. Not just any chocolate, Ülker milk chocolate with pistachios. I said that aloud and he turns to me and says, “oh I bought you some from the store earlier.” I was completely and utterly in shock! My eyes widened and mouth dropped a bit in dumbfoundment. As he gets up front the sofa I remember thinking “is he serious because if he isn’t i’m going to be sad and pissed. But he was. He pulled out an XL bar and my heart just melted. My dearest Enes. How can he be so sweet? How could he have known that I’d start dying for some chocolate. He made me so happy and I don’t know if he even understands it. He’s not a man that says much and he’s often soft spoken and in his own world, but when he comes down to earth, he comes down. My angel. :)) I appreciated this gesture. I fall for him more everyday. I’m mostly sad he’s leaving for Ethiopia this weekend and then Algeria next month. Sigh. I guess my coffee cup reading was true from Gamze and Bahar a few months ago; Africa is in my future; only it’s not me ( although I would move there for him) I’m struggling with my feelings for him.

I’m not a person that shows my emotions readily. I wasn’t raised like that. I keep telling myself that he doesn’t give me enough affection that he has some other girl or isn’t that interested or just wants to remain friends. But he has told me he would be with me but he’s going to Algeria. I think this fucking country is our main problem. He’s pulling away because he’s leaving. Meanwhile, I’m madly in love with him. Do I even know what that means? I tell myself I don’t. Then I over think it, us, everything. I’m just going to let it be. Nothing more or less. After all, how many men who you haven’t talked to in over a year buy you a ticket, take all of their vacation to be with you in Izmir, help you do everything when you first get here, and are always there for you when you need them?? I don’t know any. Did I mention that I’ve met some of his closest friends and they love me? That’s something. Not that I’m one to care about that, but still, I’m happy about that. Ferhat, his best friend from Azerbaijan, nearly lost it early this month when we’d all gone out to eat and I fed Enes some of my fucking delicious quesadilla. He loved that for some reason. I’m still unsure why. Massively cute? Probably. Did I also mention Enes had ordered me some BK from yemeksepeti bc I didn’t know how to do it and I was confused on somethings? Well he did. He not only ordered it, but I had a mini surprise when it came; two orange juices! I called him and commented how bizarre that was and he replied, “I did that. I thought that you’d like it more since you don’t like soda.” AWWW! He’s perfection if ever there was such a thing. ❤

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