Rules for living in Istanbul( and in general Turkey)

I saw this oat from W. Tanner on a Facebook group. 

“I know this is not about a school, but I needed an outlet for my tirade today and I figured people already pissed off would appreciate it.

TOP TEN RULES FOR ISTANBUL TRANSPORTATION

10. Always remember that causing a traffic jam is the priority, whether pedestrian or on the road.

9. Always park in the middle of the road, never on the shoulder or in a parking garage.

8. Never get in a dolmus or minibus if the driver does not appear to be drunk or stoned. He is probably a shady character if not.

7. Remember, taxi drivers are stressed and have the right to explode at any moment and get in a death match with anyone else on the road with whatever weapon is handy, including the taxi you are riding in.

6. If you are not in a hurry and walking then make sure to weave side to side on the sidewalk in order to block the people behind you.

5. Getting on to the metrobus is officially considered a blood sport. Take no prisoners, have no mercy, and make no apologies, unless you want people to argue over who gets to keep your ears.

4. Stop and stand at any pedestrian bottle neck. You can do this for any reason, but it is highly recommended you do it with friends or to talk on your cell phone.

3. If you have a car, then it is mandatory that you wreck it at least once year. You can do this anywhere, but on the bridge or bottle necks in major roads is the most preferred method, especially during rush hours.

2. You must walk in the road in order to block traffic. Sidewalks are for pansies.

1. All of the clauses listed here are followed by the command of God and Turkish law. Under no circumstances whatsoever will the public officials of Istanbul plan roads or organize traffic patterns, and any public transportation project must be at least three years behind schedule. Wearing deodorant on public transportation in the summer is punishable by death. Thank you and enjoy our traffic jam.”

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