Update

I half want to give up and leave this place I’m in and go somewhere that will give me more peace of mind, food/culture options, and less conservatism and things to do. I’m tired of being the only black female here and receiving the brunt of the stares. I’m tired of worrying about what will happen to me if I’m not back before not fall; not that Manisa is unsafe. I’m also tired of eating the same things, seeing the same people, and not hanging out with people my own age; let alone not being able to make friends. There is also nothing to do in Manisa! Like, nothing! If you want to eat out, by my guest but i’m dog tired of it. I felt that it was a little culturally shunned here for women to smoke hookah; and I also don’t have anyone to go with me. It’s not a culture in which a woman can just go out and do as she pleases. Oh no. At least not a black female. I’m not meaning that they’re racist, but I can’t blend in at all. I feel extremely lonely, stressed, and under-stimulated. I also still haven’t done what I need to get done in the next 9 days! The school is driving me bat shit crazy. They have no idea what they’re doing. I’m losing my mind sitting on my ass everyday and drinking tea and coffee with the occasional sweets. I’m have less than 20 lira in my purse right now and nearly as much left on my US card. When I say I’m stressed the fuck out, trust that it is by no means an exaggeration. Manisa is sucking my soul dry. I’m trying my hardest to be positive and optimistic and hope for the best but fucking A that’s just as tiring and just as unhelpful as being negative and pessimistic. I can’t stand religion, especially when it’s so engrained in the culture that they don’t think for themselves and follow like sheep. I also hate conservatism. I’m tired of the judging. ugggggggh! I literally have questioned myself several times, “why the fuck did you come to this fucking country!?” I’ve yet to answer that question. I must say that the apartment is really nice…but who the hell builds next to a military training facility!? we hear the stupid soldiers doing their loud as chant marches, blowing on their whistles, and nightly shooting things EVERY FUCKING DAY! PLUS, are they shooting off grenades!? I couldn’t tell you what the nightly fireworks sounding thing is. My shower door is broken. I can’t pay for any of the shit that I need right now. I’m losing my mind.

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